やりたいことのやり方

It's returned. The dread and stress of the application process. Two times prior I've had this experience, and each time felt the same as now. At first, I didn't understand that money was the determining factor in what college you end up going to, more so than application decisions. And so, my worries are not so much about acceptance into this university's degree program, but how I am to acquire the funds to continue my education here.

How does someone go about doing what they want to do? Sacrifices are to be made obviously.

For me, deciding not to pursue music academically was the first sacrifice. Although, after making that decision I felt strangely relieved. The worries of auditions and playing up to the standards of teachers and judges disappeared, and music became my friend again. Somehow, that didn't feel like much of a sacrifice...

Maybe then, instead of sacrifices, choices are to be made.

So what kinds of choices will I have to make in order to continue my education abroad? All I really know is that, for the first time in a very long time, I'm not trying to escape the place I'm currently in. For me, by staying here I see opportunity and potential for the sort of future I want to have. Leaving so soon will effectively damage the possibilities in front of me. Other than that, I don't want to leave behind the things here that have become so important to me. In my life thus far I've never been so inspired, so focused, and so motivated. I attribute it all to what my life has become here. To go back to America, means going back to the feelings of wanting to escape. That is a future I don't want to imagine.

There's definitely a way to continue my education here. There's definitely a way to keep working on things I want to do. I doubt it'll be easy, but I'm confident that I'll find a way and grasp the chance for my success.